the colorful shadow of a dark present

everyday,
and everynight,
i look behind me,
at time gone by,
and the seasons that have changed.

I see my shadow,
colorful,
in happy kaleidoscopic shades of yellow orange red and laughter,
and contrast it with what it is becoming today,
a dark and a darker black.

black out of being burnt out,
black out of ignorance.
black of denial and
black of being blind towards seeing me.
a black of mourning regret and repent,
the black question mark following all the what if's and if only's,
a black of gloom and failure.

my ghost like shadow - longer stronger darker when i am made to believe it is,
and shorter weaker and disabled when i want it to.
there is a dichotomy, and a different perspective,
when only black defines white.

little did i know that,
black is just all colors put together,
and that without different shades, there will be no black,
and in black there will be no shades.

a black of being able to share and absorb thoughts willingly,
a black of a vast night sky,
a black of beauty.

i just needed to unchain the colors,
and, set them free.