भ्रम के भूत

एक सोच, जिसको मैं मैं बुलाता हूँ,
चल पड़ा एक रथ की सवारी पर,
खीचा विचारों के घोड़ों ने,
पहिया चले समय का।

चलते चलते, मिला सैकड़ो ख्यालों से,
कुछ साथ चलते, तो कुछ धोका देते,
कुछ अपने सफ़र में मस्त।

रास्ते बदल दिए,
ताकि मैं खो न जाऊ,
ताकि मैं मंजिल तक पहुच जाऊ,
शायद मैं संभल जाऊ।

चौराहे पर रुकता, और फिर चलता,
मन के नक्षों ने किया तैय सफ़र।।

Biting the Bullet

I don’t generally write without thinking. Nor do I generally write while thinking. But today, I will. Write while thinking, i.e. for the record.

I am ecstatic. I have booked a Royal Enfield Bullet. It is due in a promised 6-8 months, but I know it is going to get delayed. Honestly, I can wait. I have waited for atleast 4 years for this bike, and if you consider waiting for a ‘dream’ bike, it’s been more than a decade since I knew that Yezdis were available in the used bike market as second hand or third hand bikes for pretty low prices. It is only now that the minimum cost for a fairly well restored Yezdi has started creeping pretty high. For several ‘reasons’, I am not buying the Yezdi, a decision I regret today and will, even in the future. Just the way the bike is pumped before starting it, the rhythmic engine beats as they settle down after over-shooting the idle rpm, the twin silencers, the tank, the elongated headlamp, the simple handlebars, the mechanism of putting the bike in first gear by using the Achilles tendon and the way the bike accelerates. It is a living legend refusing to die out even though it has been out of production since 16 years. It is a moving piece of metal which gives me a lump in the throat. Always.

Regret apart, I am ecstatic. I just can’t wait for the bullet to be ready, me to be running it in and getting used to it, listening and learning its sounds, learning how to release the clutch, and learning at what pressure application the brakes really bite, how the bike changes direction, how it feels in long rides, measuring how it leans in corners and how it stops. I am eager to know how heavy it feels since it is the heftiest bike I will have driven till now. I am curious about how well it navigates in city traffic when I absolutely have to take it out in that mob. Will it cause back pain or pain around the shoulder blades or in the bum or none? What kind of leg guard should I put? How interesting is learning the maintenance of the bike going to be? What should I draw on the massive tank? A map of India, maybe? Or the side view of my own Bullet? It’s surprising how ‘life-less’ pieces of metal joined together can infuse so much energy into us.

There are plans of making road trips, exploring this unbelievably diverse country in bits and pieces, forming a bigger collage my perception of things changes with time parallely.

Thanks to some moments of clarity and in no small amount to a few very important people in my life, I do want to make a difference in my lifestyle though. I want to minimize consumption of ‘things’. I know it sounds contradictory when I am buying a big, cruiser bike and talking of roaming around to places which are accessible by public transport as well, but I am prepared to take out ‘want’ out of pretty much everything else to try and compensate for this love of the bike.

So, I am going to minimize all kinds of consumption which pollute, especially which don’t bio-degrade easily, and I am making a list of items which need to go out.
In no particular order, some of these are  Packaged biscuits – outer package plus inner tray-like package to ensure biscuits don’t break. This will be replaced by cookies which are sold loosely. Wafers and chips – big plastic packets for 20 grams of chips. Ridiculous. Soft drinks in PET bottles are out. I am switching to fruit juices and lemonade. Packaged chocolates are out. I will switch to Ooty chocolates and Coorg chocolates, when necessary, which are available easily in South India. Tea and Coffee in plastic and paper cups are cancelled with immediate effect. I will visit restaurants where they serve it in glass / ceramic cups if I have to. I don’t smoke, so nothing to be done there. Of course, public transport for commuting to the office continues. I will fit my bicycle with gears so that I can reduce that as well. Growing a few vegetables in the balcony at home will continue. I am going to stop buying from malls where they wrap individual vegetables in plastic sheets. Fools. Basic segregation of waste will be started. For watering the plants, I want to learn how to manage grey water. I also want to buy one solar panel and try to use it somewhere. I will also continue avoiding flights to and fro as much as possible. I want to join some organization which helps people reduce this plastic menace, pollution, and the slow rape of the earth. I am going to continue googling, a little more extensively on how to save energy in day to day activities like heating/cooling food, among others. This list will only grow.

Ever since I have booked the bike, I have been constantly seeing more and more avenues where I feel I am being wasteful and am consuming things mindlessly. I want to stop all of them as early as possible.

I’m finding this whole experience energizing and I get the feeling that it is going to be easy to do so especially since I want to be able to ride once in a while, just for the sake of riding, without thinking of right or wrong. It is a little paradoxical, wanting to consume less and then buying a bike, it is confusing as well.

I may be wrong in thinking the way I am, and I need to sit and think whether I am or not, but at the moment this sounds like a good start to improve.

It is remarkable how a bike, this weakness of mine, can strengthen me.

Laser guided train. Of thought.

How is darkness not a passing tunnel
in the diurnal journey of Life?

Aren't frowns inverted smiles
especially when joy, and sorrow, give tears?

Why is simplicity a moving target
in spite of us chasing it everyday?

Why do the clouds shield the Sun
when He forms them every-time?

Why go for surety
when the purest joy is unexpected?

Isn't a heartbeat
another musical beat?

A wonderful stranger

his canvas is an infinite spread

he paints portions of it green,

and folds and shapes part of it without coloring it,

he makes mountains

he paints the sky blue

sends a soothing breeze

he makes some water,

and breathes in life.

he lights up the sky with his millions of stars

while we chase a completely different million,

he runs his hand, on our heads, pampers us,

don't you feel the clouds roll by

he shows himself in every way

to console us he is there,

he shines on us and makes our day.

he makes landscapes when he paints

and reshapes and alters them still

he is still at work,

he plays in the sand and caves are formed,

his green fingers plant forests,

his campfires erupt lava,

his presence, like him, is infinite.

we must thank him for

he is allowing us to sample his creations

he is the one who invented our discoveries,

I'm glad to be able to sense Him.

Loneliness

When a week turned into a year,
and the night was a week long;
when joy broke down to a smile,
and a smile sank to sorrow;
i pulled on.

then: you were tense,
i went calm,
and you were relieved,
and so was i.
and then, you laughed,
i remember it clearly,
because when you smile,
i do too.

if you are changing
you will stay you.
you'll never be alone,
just alone together.

when tomorrow begins,
you will be here,
because you need to be here,
for it to dawn.

a common emotion emerges,
at the speed of thought,
traverses, embraces everything,
including us.

the colorful shadow of a dark present

everyday,
and everynight,
i look behind me,
at time gone by,
and the seasons that have changed.

I see my shadow,
colorful,
in happy kaleidoscopic shades of yellow orange red and laughter,
and contrast it with what it is becoming today,
a dark and a darker black.

black out of being burnt out,
black out of ignorance.
black of denial and
black of being blind towards seeing me.
a black of mourning regret and repent,
the black question mark following all the what if's and if only's,
a black of gloom and failure.

my ghost like shadow - longer stronger darker when i am made to believe it is,
and shorter weaker and disabled when i want it to.
there is a dichotomy, and a different perspective,
when only black defines white.

little did i know that,
black is just all colors put together,
and that without different shades, there will be no black,
and in black there will be no shades.

a black of being able to share and absorb thoughts willingly,
a black of a vast night sky,
a black of beauty.

i just needed to unchain the colors,
and, set them free.

A slice of Utopia - 1

A house with a carpet of leaves,

and a roof of stars,

with tree trunks as pillars,

and creepers as curtains,

with birds providing the music,

and streams as bath tubs,

with rainfall as my shower,

and moonlight as night light,

with flowers as "room" fresheners,

and a garden in place of a grocery store,

with the breeze as my balm,

and deadwood as fuel,

with daily celestial shows as my primetime television,

and my circadian clock the only one,

with a calendar on a log,

and my commute ending as it begins,

but continuing still,

with wild grass like wilder brush-strokes,

and the rising red moon defying words,

with me leaving it to your imagination,

underneath clouds as my umbrella,

and my feet as my vehicle,

all, with my mind as my canvas.